


I Hate You/I Love You

by youraverageunstableteen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Keith has a learning disorder, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Three dumb friends foreshadowing in like 98 percent of their conversations, Unrequited Love, Very vague talk of abuse, literally if you want to be happy don't read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-07 00:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youraverageunstableteen/pseuds/youraverageunstableteen
Summary: James and Keith have been rivals for forever but will it stay that way?





	I Hate You/I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This is all based on a song called I hate you/I love you by Emmanoddle. She's amazing and everyone should go check her out!

I hate you

 

“Kogane.” James spat out.  
“Griffin.” Keith replied, more nonchalantly than the other boy. The boys stood face to face, inches away from each other. “And to think I thought I’d finally gotten rid of you when I came to the Garrison.”  
“Can't get rid of me that easily.” James smirked, cockily.  
“Oh if only.” Keith smiled, annoyed. Keith turned around, walking away from the boy. James smirked, watching his rival walk away.

 

You probably hate me too

 

“Kogane and Griffin!” The teacher called out.  
“Are you kidding me?” Keith said, hitting his head on the table in front of him.  
“Trust me. I'm not exactly excited either.” James responded. It was enough that they had to sit next to each other this period but now they also had to do a group project together?  
“And I expect everyone to get along during this project!” The teacher said. “That means you two.” She said, pointing at the boys. Keith rolled his eyes and James crossed his arms. 

 

I don't know why I even try anymore

 

“Keith maybe we should just try to get along.” James said. The boy walking next to him looked over to him. “Y-You know for the sake of my good grade.” Keith rolled his eyes.  
“We don't have to get along. You just have to not be an idiot.” The boys walked towards the library doors.

 

And I probably shouldn't care anymore

 

James held the door open for Keith, who walked in before him.  
“Keith.” James said, his voice lowered in the quiet setting. “Keith.” He called again, this time a little loud, still keeping his whispering demeanor. “Kogane!” He called, grabbing Keith’s arm. The stubborn finally stopped after James held his sleeve in his hand.  
“What?” Keith said, in a low and annoyed voice.  
“As much as I hate it, if you want to get a good grade on this project we have to get along.” Keith turned around, facing the taller boy.  
“And why would i want to get along with you.” Keith said, crossing his arms.  
“Because we have to.” James said.  
“Don’t try to be my friend Griffin. I can get along with you but I won’t go any farther than that.”  
“Fine.” James sighed out. “Whatever.” The tall boy walked by Keith, pushing him out of the way to get to the books he needed. Keith’s eyes followed James, watching him walk away

 

But you’re all that’s ever on my mind

 

“He’s just SO infuriating! I keep trying to get through to him, trying to initiate a friendship with him but he is just so closed off to everyone!”  
“Sounds like someone else I know.” Ina said, playing her game casually laying on the couch.  
“No! I am nothing like him.”  
“Why do you care so much anyways?” Ryan asked, hitting the button repeatedly, sitting in his cross-legged position on the floor and the deprestely to beat the girl on the couch.  
“I don't!” James yelled as he stopped pacing.  
“I don't know man. Sounds like you care about Kogane a lot.” Ryan said, dropping his controller in an admit of defeat. “Really Ina! That was so cheap!”  
“It be like that sometimes.” She replied, shrugging.  
“I don't care about Kogane! He's terrible! He's annoying! He thinks he's better than everyone!” James yelled, starting his pacing again.  
“Not even a little?” Ina said, snickering slightly.  
“Leifsdottir I'm gonna kill you.”  
“AH.” Ina yelled, running away from the brown-haired boy.

 

No matter how hard I try

 

James tossed and turned. He couldn't stop thinking about him. He couldn't stop thinking about how infuriating he was. (Wow author can't even think of a synonym lolol) But as the night went on he realized there was song truth to what Ina and Ryan were saying.  
“Maybe I do care about Kogane.” He spoke out loud. “But like in a kind of way that it's like you know. I wanna help him. That's just pity...right?” He grabbed his pillow from under his head and placed it on top of his face, yelling into the pillow slightly for the boy knew that this feeling was not pity.

 

And even when I try to ignore you

 

“James!” He could recognize that anywhere and it was mainly because of the conclusion he had come to last night. Once you know you like someone you seem to memorize their voice and every time you hear them say your name it gives you a fuzzy feeling inside. James stopped, causing Ina and Ryan to stop too, and turned around.  
“What?” James said, kind of aggressively.  
“Listen I just needed to tell you-”  
“Oh. I heard you yesterday loud and clear.”  
“No Ja-”  
“Maybe you should just stick with Griffin.” James said, holding his aggressive stance. Keith’s mouth parted a bit in shock.  
“Griffin.” He said, pausing before continuing. “I'm sorry if I-”  
“I got it Kogane. See you around. We can work on the project after classes today.” James said, turning away from the boy. 

 

You're everywhere I fucking go

 

“This project is actually really good.” Their teacher spoke, reading the paper. “Since you're both getting along so well. Griffin. Why don't you tutor Kogane?” She asked, smiling up at the boys.  
“Are you fucking kidding me?” James said, softly.  
“I'm sorry?” The teacher asked, not hearing what he had said.  
“Of course I'll do it!” James said, forcing a weak smile.  
“Great!” She said as the bell rang. James ran out of the class and to the cafeteria to meet Ina and Ryan.  
“What happened?” Ryan said.  
“She said it was good.” James said.  
“That's great James!” Ina said, smiling. “Now you have a good grade and you never have to talk to the love of your life again!”  
“Shut the hell up Ina! He's not the love of my life asshole. And no. She wants me to tutor him.” James said, running his hand through his hair. The two students in front of him erupted in laughter.  
“Oh my God.” Ina said, wiping a tear. “That's too good.”  
“Mega blessed this day.” Ryan said, still laughing.  
“Shut up you idiots! This is terrible. He hates me.” James said before he dropped him head onto the table.  
“Welllll.” Ryan said. “Since James is living a teen romance novel-”  
“Now maybe you can apologize for being a complete fucking asshole to him last week.” The brown haired boy lifted his head.  
“I did what I had to do. Maybe if I’m mean to him then my feelings will go away.” James, crossing his arms on the table and dropping his head again.  
“James. I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.” Ina said, pulling out her laptop. James lifted his head back up in curiosity.  
“What are you doing?” James asked.  
“Well. We all have crushes right?” Ina asked.  
“Wait what?! You two have crushes?! And you let me suffer without letting me make you suffer. That’s just cruel.” James shook his head.  
“If it makes you feel any better neither of us know who each other’s crushes are.” Ryan said, crossing his arms on the table.  
“Not really.” James said.  
“Great. But back to initial thought, why don’t we write up a pact?” Ina said, unlocking her table and opening a document.  
“Isn’t a pact verbal?” James asked.  
“You think Ina will ever accept anything that isn’t written down?” Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Good point.”James said.  
“Okay. So let’s make a pact that no matter how much we like our crushes we can’t fall in love.” Ina said, typing something into her computer.  
“Okay.” Ryan said.  
“Anything that will help me.” James said, kind of desperate to just get over his stupid crush.  
“Great.” Ina said, printing the paper out of her computer. She grabbed a pen from her bag and they all signed the paper. She then went over to get them all juice boxes.  
“To never falling in love!” She said, lifting her box.  
“Here here!” James and Ryan laughed out, lifting theirs as well.

 

I like you

 

“So then you just use the-” James stopped in his tracks and laid back in the chair, running his fingers through his hair in a stressed manner. “I was doing your math homework, wasn't I?”  
“Yup.” Keith replied, playing a game on his phone. James pulled it out of his hands. “Hey!” James held it over his head.  
“Kogane! Stop acting like a child! You have to learn this if you want to pass the test.”  
“I don't care about the stupid test.” Keith said softly pouting.  
“Well you'd better if you don't want to get kicked out.” James said, placing the phone next to the math book. Keith stared at James a second before pulling the math book over to himself. Numbers on paper that wouldn't go through his brain was all he saw. He pushed the book away.  
“I can't.” The boy said, standing up.  
“Why not?” James asked, standing after him. Keith began gathering his stuff to go. He reached for the pencil in between the pages but James stopped him, placing his hand on his. “Keith.” James said, staring at him. Keith’s gaze was fixed on James’s hand on his. “What's wrong?”  
“I can't.” The boy sounded as if he was going to break down. “I can see the numbers but I can't use them. I can't understand them. T-They just go in through my eyes but then they dissapear. And I know it's just because I'm an idiot-”  
“Keith.” James said, resting his other hand on Keith’s shoulder. “You are not an idiot because I think you have- I mean I'm not sure because I'm not a doctor but it doesn't sound like you're an idiot. It sounds like you have a learning disability.” Keith finally looked James in the eyes.  
“A what?” Keith asked. “I'm not dyslexic. I can read.”  
“No Keith.” James let out a soft laugh, speaking in a hushed voice. “Dyslexia isn't the only learning disability.”  
“It's not.”  
Another soft laugh. “Of course not. Why don't we go see if we can get you an evaluation so I can know how to better help you?” James said, smiling. His arms hadn't moved and James hadn't particularly noticed that until now. “Uh.” James said, pulling his hands away from the boy.  
“Sorry. But…” He paused. “We should really go.” Keith nodded, not really understanding were James’s sudden kindness had emerged from. They collected their stuff and walked out of the library.  
“Why are you helping me?” Keith asked as the boys walked down the hall.  
“Because.” James said, simply.

 

Why can't that be enough for you

 

James had fallen asleep on the couch in the waiting room, his head resting on the hard wood they called an arm rest.  
“James…?” Keith said, walking out of the door. The boy shifted a bit on the uncomfortable couch.  
“Keith…” He said softly.  
“Wait are you awake or…?” Keith trailed off, realizing he was asking a question he wasn't going to get an answer to.  
“Keith I…I do like you.” James said. Keith thought it was a weird way to phrase it, especially in a dream but at least from this he knew the boy didn't have a hatred for him. Keith lifted the boy a bit, trying to make him more comfortable. James grabbed the boy’s arm. “Please…” He said softly. Keith looked at the boy’s face. A tear slid down it. Keith wiped it away quickly, rubbing his thumb over the boy’s cheek. Keith stared at the boy for a couple seconds before sitting on the couch and placing the boy’s head on his lap. He couldn’t just leave him crying. He placed his hand in the boy's hair, running his hands through it softly.  
“I’m sorry.” Keith said quietly, holding back a whimper. “I’m sorry.” It’s my fault. He thinks I hate him and it’s all my fault.

 

I’m trying really really hard to impress you (I hope it’s not obvious)

 

“Keith! Did you do the homework?” The english teacher asked, her hands on her hips. She thought she knew the answer to that question and truth is she did. “What’s number three?” She asked. The boy felt a notebook hit his foot, recognizing the handwriting, he began reading off the answer for number three.  
“But in all honesty Ms.Phillips.” James’s voice rang out after the raven-haired boy finished talking. “The book was boring, predictable and choppy.”  
“You think Isaac Asimov’s book was choppy?” She asked, hands on her hips.  
“Yeah. Asimov himself said that they were all short stories that he kind of just put into a book. And I mean it was written in the 1950’s it’s a little outdated.”  
“Mr. Griffin!” Ms.Phillips called out, obviously frustrated. Keith snickered, looking at the desk. James looked over to the boy and smiled before continuing.  
“There’s no flow! The dialogue and chapters are dragged out too long and it quite honestly reads like a kid that was trying to drag out an essay to make it to the word count!”  
“GRIFFIN!” She yelled, finally done. “Principal’s office! Now!” He scoffed.  
“For what? Voicing an opinion?”  
“For disrupting class!” Keith watched the exchange, smiling the whole time and holding himself back from laughing. James rolled his eyes before walking out of the class in a leisurely fashion.

 

You’re all that’s ever on my mind

 

“Hey Griffin.” James heard as he walked out of the principal’s office. James, walking out with his hands in his pockets turned his head to see Keith Kogane, leaned against a wall. James walked towards the other boy.  
“Come to mock me?” James asked.  
“No.” Keith laughed out, pushing himself off the wall. “I came to give you your notebook back.” The boy dug into his bookbag, which laid on the floor before pulling out James’s notebook and handing it to him. “Thanks for the save.” James took the notebook, scratching the back of his neck with other hand.  
“No problem.” The two boys began walking down the hallway.  
“So. How in trouble did you get?” Keith asked, smiling and nudging James.  
“Uhhhh. Well I mostly argued my way out of it but weirdly...Shiro came to my aid.”  
“Wow. Heh. That’s weird.” Keith said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.  
“But they just called my mom but they let me off on a warning.”  
“That’s it?” Keith asked, laughing a bit. “Damn you got off scott free!”  
“Well I mean...not really.”  
“Huh? All he did was call your mom.”  
“Exactly. They’re gonna be pissed.”  
“We don’t get to go home till spring break. That’s in 4 months!’’  
“You don’t know my parents.” James said, looking at the floor. “They hold a grudge.”  
“Well…” Keith started. “If it makes you feel any better, it was badass.” James pushed his hair back a bit.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah.” James said, nudging him with his elbow a bit.

 

No matter how hard I try

 

“Bye Keith.” James said, smiling. “See ya.” Keith smiled.  
“Yeah. See ya James.”  
“What’s her name?” James heard Ryan ask as he walked back into their room.  
“Nadia. She’s such a clean freak. It’s ridiculous. If I leave so much as a sock on the floor her face gets red and she looks like she’s gonna explode.” Ina said. James collapsed on the couch, in between his two friends.  
“Hey. Look who finally decided to show.” Ina started.  
“Mr. Loverboy~” Ryan hummed out, mockingly.  
“Shut it. Both of you.” James said.  
“We were gonna go get you but we saw Kogane and we decided it’d be best if we just left you two alone.” Ina said, smiling.  
“Yeah. Thanks for that.” James said, sarcastically.  
“What? You do have a crush on him, don’t you?” Ryan said. James stood up.  
“God. It’s like you idiots want me to fall in love with him.” He yelled.  
“Calm down James.” Ryan said, laughing a bit.  
“No! I'm trying here but you two aren't helping!” James yelled again.  
“It's not my fault that you're trying to deny that you're in love with him!” Ina yelled, standing as well. James went silent, his face dropping. The boy stomped away to his room, slamming the door behind him.

 

Just stop doing what you're doing to me

 

“I'm such an idiot!” James yelled, throwing a pillow at the wall. He fell back onto his bed, running his fingers through his hair. “Fuck you Kogane.” He said out loud. “Fuck you.”

 

And stay the fuck out of my dreams

 

James jumped up in bed, putting his head in his hands. He attempted to wipe away his tears without moving his hands. He failed giving in and pulling his head up to wipe his tears. “James?” It was Ryan.  
“What?” He said turning away from the boy.  
“You were screaming.” He said, reaching out to grab his arm.  
“I was?” James asked before shaking his head. “I'm sorry.”  
“Don't be sorry.” He paused. “Was it...the same dream again?” Ryan asked, crouched next to the boy’s bed, looking up at him.  
“Yeah. It just keeps happening over and over.” James clutched his head. “It won't stop.”  
“It's okay. They're not here okay? They can't hurt either of you.”  
“I'm sorry.” James said. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” James repeated over and over, rocking back and forth slightly. 

 

I love you

 

“Shiro!” Keith’s voice rung in James’s ears. “Shiro!” He called out again. James turned to look towards the black haired boy. His eyes seemed to twinkle as he looked up at him mentor and smiled a bit. James felt his heart shatter. There was always the rumor that Keith had a thing for the older boy but it wasn't till he saw it for himself that he could confirm it. He knew it. Keith was in love with Shiro. Shiro didn't exactly reciprocate those feelings. He was with Adam. But Keith’s feelings were there and they were obvious and it hurt like hell. James packed up, still staring and walked out of the class. Shiro’s class was the last of the day so James walked back to his dorm with his backpack slung over his shoulder.

 

I wish that you would love me too

 

“James?” Ryan asked, walking into the room. James looked down, wiping his face.  
“Yeah?” James responded, weakly.  
“Are you okay?” Ryan said, sitting.  
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He turned to look at the dark haired boy. “What about you?” James asked.  
“I think I broke the pact...I’m in love with Ina.” Ryan said, looking at the floor.  
“It’s okay.” James said, smiling. “Ina broke it too. She’s in love with you.”  
“Well.” Ryan said. “Looks like you’re the only one that hasn’t broken it.”

 

I think it’s too late to try anymore

 

James shook his head, on the brink of tears. “No.” He whimpered out, smiling weakly. “I broke the pact too.” He looked at the floor, not knowing what to do. “I’m in love with Keith...I’m in love with Keith Kogane.” Ryan smiled weakly.  
“I know.” He said.  
“It hurts Ryan.” He said, trying to hold his tears back. “It hurts so much. I really do love him.” The taller boy engulfed him in a hug.  
“I know. I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my first thing on Ao3. Hope everyone liked it! ♥️♥️


End file.
